"it" just moved
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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