Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
