There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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