Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
