CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
