The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
