Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
