Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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