What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
