I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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