You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
