So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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