Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize