Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
