don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
