Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
