I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
