i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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