What did we do last night that was yellow?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
