You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
