Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
