i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
