I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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