dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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