Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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