hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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