Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
