Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
