If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
