im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
