my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
