i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize