Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
