Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize