Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize