put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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