All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just pynch a tree in the face
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
