I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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