True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize