I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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