I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
