i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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