It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
