Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
