Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize