Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize