Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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