just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
