God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
