I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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