moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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