It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
