this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
