I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
