you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
