My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
