And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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