The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I party with great urgency now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
