I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
