I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
