Only a mothe r could love this liver
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
