And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
