Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize