i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
