so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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