Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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