Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
