I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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