I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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