Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
