Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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