it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
